Tomorrow is my anniversary. We have been here inWashington DC for seven years and are
leaving at the end of the month to return to New Mexico.
When
we first came people would ask me, “And what brought you to Washington. The
answer was “My husband, kicking and screaming and dragging my feet” I was born
in the mountain west and planned to die there. I was told once, the first time
I came to this side of the country, “The people in the East are different.
Don’t expect them to smile and be friendly. You can go a week without anyone
speaking to you at all. “ And this was from someone who grew up in Maryland and
had youth activities in this area
.
When
my husband decided to take early retirement and take a job for the
DOE, my mother took my hand and said “promise me that you won’t let us keep you
from encouraging Allan to take this job. It was just before her 90th
birthday and she was almost blind nearly bedridden from congestive heart
failure. After my 91 year old dad, I was her primary care giver. The day before
her birthday she tripped on her Oxygen tubing and fell, breaking her hip. In
the hospital she reached up and took my hand. “Promise me, that if I die,
you’ll take care of dad.
This
was a conundrum! How was I going to keep both of my promises to her? She died a
month later. Allan was very supportive and told me that I could come back every
month for a week if I needed to.
In
September after finishing mowing the back lawn I lay down in the freshly mown
grass and these thoughts came to me.
I
Lay
Today
In grass, damp,
Green—
Newly mown;
Watching
Clouds
Traipse
Across the sky
I thought
About
Next year
And heat,
Concrete
Supposed to be Adventure.
But,
I came. And it’s been wonderful! And by the way, people in Virginia are
friendlier than those in California or Wisconsin.
In
D&C 42:22 we read, “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt
cleave unto her and none else. This scripture is also found in Genesis. I would like to expand this to wives
also. When I was at BYU I was told that companies like to recruit from BYU
because of the quality of, the work ethic of, the honesty of the graduates. But
they worried about the wives not wanting to leave their homes, their families.
Wives too need to love their husbands with all their hearts, and cleave unto
them and none else.
What
opportunities are there that could keep us from cleaving unto our spouse and
none else?
President Spencer W. Kimball
(1895–1985) said
“And None Else”
Sometimes in
marriage there are other cleavings, in spite of the fact that the Lord said,
“Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and
none else” (D&C 42:22).
This means
just as completely that “thou shalt love thy husband with all thy heart and
shall cleave unto him and none else.” Frequently, people continue to cleave unto
their mothers and their fathers and their chums. Sometimes mothers will not
relinquish the hold they have had upon their children, and husbands as well as
wives return to their mothers and fathers to obtain advice and counsel and to
confide, whereas cleaving should be to the wife in most things.
Some
put their children first, or parents, or friends.
Some
put their careers before their family, working late hours and weekends.
Some
even put their hobbies and church work ahead, filling limited time slots away
from their spouses.
Elder Russell M. Nelson said
"Marriages would be happier if nurtured more carefully.
As we Brethren
travel about the world, sometimes we see worrisome scenes. On a recent flight,
I sat behind a husband and wife. She obviously loved her husband. As she
stroked the back of his neck I could see her wedding ring. She would nestle
close to him and rest her head upon his shoulder, seeking his companionship.
In contrast,
he seemed totally oblivious to her presence. He was focused solely upon an
electronic game player. During the entire flight, his attention was riveted
upon that device. Not once did he look at her, speak to her, or acknowledge her
yearning for affection.
His
inattention made me feel like shouting: “Open your eyes, man! Can’t you see?
Pay attention! Your wife loves you! She needs you!”
"Marriage is
the foundry for social order, the fountain of virtue, and the foundation for
eternal exaltation. Marriage has been divinely designated as an eternal and
everlasting covenant. Marriage is
sanctified when it is cherished and honored in holiness. That union is not
merely between husband and wife; it embraces a partnership with God.
'“Husband and
wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.” Children born
of that marital union are “an heritage of the Lord.” Marriage is
but the beginning bud of family life; parenthood is its flower. And that
bouquet becomes even more beautiful when graced with grandchildren. Families
may become as eternal as the kingdom of God itself."
So brethren,
your foremost priesthood duty is to nurture your marriage—to care for, respect,
honor, and love your wife. Be a blessing to her and your children.
President James E. Faust said
You might wonder, “How can a marriage
be constantly enriched?” We build our marriages with endless friendship,
confidence, and integrity and also by ministering to and sustaining each other
in our difficulties. Adam, speaking of Eve, said, “This is now bone of my
bones, and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23).
There are a few simple, relevant
questions that each person, whether married or contemplating marriage, should
honestly ask in an effort to become “one flesh.” They are:
1., am I able to think of the interest
of my marriage and spouse first before I think of my own desires?
2., how deep is my commitment to my
companion, aside from any other interests?
3., is he or she my best friend?
4. do I have respect for the dignity of
my spouse as a person of worth and value?
5., do we quarrel over money? Money
itself seems neither to make a couple happy, nor the lack of it, necessarily,
to make them unhappy. A quarrel over money is often a symbol of selfishness.
6., is there a spiritually sanctifying
bond between us?
Our loyalty to our eternal companion should not be merely physical, but mental and
spiritual as well.”
President
Faust continues,.
"Virtue is the strong glue that holds it
all together. Said the Lord, “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and
shalt cleave unto her and none else” D&C 42:22.
Divine presence.
Of all that can bless marriages, there
is one special enriching ingredient that above all else will help join a man
and a woman together in a very real, sacred, spiritual sense. It is the
presence of the divine in marriage.
God is also the best keeper of
marriages.
There are many things that go into enriching
a marriage, but some of them seem to be of the husk of the relationship. Having
the companionship and enjoying the fruits of a holy and divine presence become
the kernel of great happiness in marriage. Spiritual oneness is the anchor.
Slow leaks in the sanctifying dimension of marriage often cause marriages to
become flat tires.
Marriages can die from a lack of
spiritual nourishment.
There is no great or majestic music
that constantly produces the harmony of a great love. The most perfect music is
a welding of two voices into one spiritual song. In the enriching of marriage,
the big things are the little things. There must be constant appreciation for
each other and thoughtful demonstration of graditude.
A couple must encourage and help each other grow. Marriage is a joint quest for
the good, the beautiful, and the divine."
Even though my husband and I are of
different religions, we share the same faith. We encourage each other to be
fully committed and involved in our respective religions and participate in
each other’s activities. We share and rejoice in the similarities and respect
the differences.
We went to sign up for social security
this week and the clerk asked us how long we’d been married. He looked at us in
shock and admiration when we said 31 years this month. He hadn’t seen that many
couples married that long apparently. Where we come from we see couples married
50 plus years all the time. We take seriously "love with all your heart and
soul'" Become one. Make him/ her as important as you/I.
Spend time together quality and
quantity.
And you should see all the funny looks
this old couple gets every week at the Silver Diner, holding hands across the
table when talking about the day’s events, listening to the music of our
childhood.
Happy anniversary to us.
